Best Jokes About Salespeople: 18 Stories To De-Stress
Ease the pressures of hitting quotas and closing deals by distracting yourself for a bit with these sales jokes. Keep reading to check them out here.
In this article:
- Sales Professionals Need Humor in the Workplace Every Now and Then
- Sales Can Be Rough
- Competition Is Fierce
- Sometimes You Need a Getaway
- On Handling Rejection Graciously
- The Turn Down
- Misunderstandings Happen
- Sales Scaremongering
- The Go-to-Market Approach
- On Handling the Competition
- The Overzealous Salesman
- Make the Most of a Bad Situation
- How to Sell a Toothbrush
- When Your Skills Are Too Good for Your Own Good
- Mammoth Sales
- The Wish
- On the Inside
- The Saucer and the Cat
- The Orange Trout
Best Sales Jokes for Stress Relief
Sales Professionals Need Humor in the Workplace Every Now and Then
Sales can be an incredibly rewarding profession and boasts of high earnings and opportunities to travel. However, the sales life is not always easy as salespeople deal with rejection on a daily basis.
Between sky-high quotas and rude prospects, sales reps need to handle a lot of stress. In fact, in one Payscale survey, the account manager position was rated as the “second most stressful job.”
For some, funny images, memes, and gifs are a good way to unwind in-between presentations. So if you’re having a bad day, take a look at our collection of best jokes with and about salespeople.
Sales Can Be Rough
Boss: Did you get any orders today?
Salesman: Yes, I got two!
Boss: Congratulations! What were they?
Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”
Competition Is Fierce
How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m better than you.”
Sometimes You Need a Getaway
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.
Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:
“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”
On Handling Rejection Graciously
A young door-to-door salesman was selling, off all things—burial plots. Upon the prospect responding that he already has a plot in another cemetery, the salesman decides to cut his losses and says: “I hope you’ll be very happy there…”
The Turn Down
A salesman approached a potential client and asked: “Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?” “No thanks,” the man replied. “I know how many pockets I have.”
A nun is undressing for a bath, and while she’s standing naked, there’s a knock at the door. The nun calls, “Who is it?”
A voice answers, “A blind salesman.”
The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she’s naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, “Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie…?”
Insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you awake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”
The Go-to-Market Approach
Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I’m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”
At the same time, the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling “The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!”
On Handling the Competition
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.
After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: “We make the best violins in the world.”
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: “We make the best violins on the block.”
The Overzealous Salesman
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman’s home in a rural area.
“This machine is the best ever” he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she’s really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, “If this machine doesn’t remove all the dust completely, I’ll lick it off myself.”
“Do you want ketchup on it?” she says, “we’re not connected for electricity yet!”
Make the Most of a Bad Situation
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was
“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money
“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”
How to Sell a Toothbrush
The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes.
He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top.
He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. Then he laid out his chips and dip.
His boss said, “That’s a very innovative approach” and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth.
“Yuck, this tastes terrible!” his boss yelled.
The salesman replied “IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?”
When Your Skills Are Too Good for Your Own Good
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.
Customer: Forget it! No one ’round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, a genie appeared.
“I will grant you two wishes” announced the genie. “But for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”
The salesman thought about this. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he said.
The genie instantly gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000.” the genie said.
“Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant”
On the Inside
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally, to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the ‘unbreakable’ comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”
The Saucer and the Cat
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, “I m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale. The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.”
And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
And the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
The Orange Trout
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout.”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That’s what she’d like for supper tonight.”
While they don’t necessarily reflect reality, these sales jokes can definitely put a smile on a salesperson’s face and brighten up their day when they’re up to their necks with the pressures of work. We hope these funny sales jokes has reminded you of the lighter side of the industry and made you forget your stresses, even if only for a while.
What other sales jokes do you know? Share your favorite sales jokes with us in the comments section below!
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Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on April 1, 2018, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.